Saturday, June 11, 2011

I Didn't Do Enough

The outside of the veterinary hospital is painted with happy faces, but today is not a happy day.

Either Tuesday or Wednesday, something happened to my outside Sweet Kitty that I've been feeding for the past year. She came to me last Spring just before she had 7 babies. A friend took on the job of raising the kittens so that they could go to good homes. Only one of them did not survive. This little one looks just like his mama.

I thought if I just fed her and loved her although I couldn't give her an inside home, that it would be enough but it wasn't. She showed up Thursday morning very weak with blood coming from her mouth. She couldn't eat or drink. I washed her down several times a day with warm water, cleaned the blood from her mouth and nose and would pet her. I would rub fresh water on her mouth trying to give her a little moisture in this awful heat. I set up a box just for her with a towel inside so she would have someplace to sleep.

But she was getting thinner and weaker and I did not want her to suffer. Zack and I took her to the vet this morning. He said that she had an infection in her mouth that likely could not be taken care of. There's no way of knowing what happened. Since she had already lost so much weight, he thought it was better that we put her to sleep. I don't know if that was just the easy way out. Or if it would have taken too much work to make her healthy again. Maybe he thought it didn't matter since she was a street cat.

The last time I had to go through this was when I was 17 and we had to put my Toni to sleep. My sweet dog I had since the age of 2.

It's never easy. I counted on seeing Sweet Kitty ever day, meowing at my door, canned food bought just for her, fresh water every day. I should have taken her to the vet last year when she was healthy. I should have done what I could then to get her to the shelter and possibly a good home. She would have made a very loving, sweet pet for someone and I feel like I failed her.

My heart is broken. There are so many street cats in Kuwait. An overwhelming problem as both shelters -- PAWS and Animal Friends -- are always filled to overflowing with the animals that they care for.










Goodbye Sweet Kitty! I'm sorry I couldn't save you. Peace & Blessings, Tammy

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

R.I.P Sweet Kitty. Sweet Kitty was blessed to have you love her. There is no need to blame yourself for giving your heart to her. Who is to say that even if she went to the shelter and some else took her, that maybe she might have ended up outside in the street again. Sweet Kitty was your kitty and she was lucky to have you til the very end. It's obvious that you loved her very much and that's why she chose you to love her. It's always sad and traumatizing when something we love so much leaves us. Just know that you gave Sweet Kitty the best life possible and she showed her gratefulness by being loyal. So sorry friend that you are sad and that I can't do much to make you feel better. It breaks my heart.

Love and Hugs,
Melissa

LuLu Kellogg said...

My heart grieves with you Tammy.

Love,
LuLu~*xoxo

Theresa said...

OH Tammy, I'm sorry that you are hurting and for sweet kitty. You should not beat yourself up too badly, you gave her more than she had when she showed up at your door and you fed and loved her. That's why she kept showing back up. We have an outdoor barn cat that Hannah hid in the barn for a month before she told us that her and her friends had been feeding it. We can't have her in the house either, but she is loved, fed, cared for and a very happy pet.
You are such a sweet and giving soul... she was a lucky cat! xooxoxox

Heather - The Good Life said...

Tammy, I'm sorry for the loss of your kitty friend. It's always easy to second guess ourselves, but it sounds like you did a lot to better the quality of your Outdoor Kitty's life. Thinking of you.

summersundays-jw said...

I think Sweet Kitty was lucky to have found you & now, I'm sure, she's in a much better place. Rest in peace, Sweet Kitty. Sorry you're so sad. Jan

Marilyn said...

I also think Sweet Kitty was lucky to have found you..Tammy you gave her love and friendship for as long as it lasted. You did what you could and that's what you should remember. Her life, however short, was made much better because she found you to care for her. I know your heart is broken and of course you feel guilty and think you could have done more...we always feel and think that...I am so sorry and I sympathise completely, having had to make that choice too. Take care my dear and know you did the right thing...as hard as it has was.
xx

Jane said...

Hi Tammy,
You did what you could for Sweet Kitty. You fed and watered her and gave her love. She came to the right place last spring when she had her babies....you took good care of her.
Thinking of you.
Jane

(Queenmothermamaw) Peggy said...

So sorry Tammy. I remember when our kiddos were little and they would bring home strays and we would baby and care for them. Living in the country was hard for the kitties and something always happened to them. We even had pet calves and they would get stolen or attacked by a larger animal but as the kids got older they saw that was the cycle of life and learned so much. It still hurts like heck I know. You did Sweet Kitty a great service.
QMM

Serena said...

I'm so sorry, Tammy. You did the best you could and that's what matters. (((Hugs)))

Serena xo

Wendy @ Ravenwood Whimzies said...

Those sweet kitties sure do tug at our hearts don't they. I'm so sorry....

Rizzi said...

OH, MY SWEET FRIEND MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU, AND PRAYERS FOR SWEET KITTY. I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVED HER, AND YOU DID TAKE CARE OF HER SO WELL, AND THAT IS WHY SHE CAME TO YOU WHEN SHE GOT SICK. SHE KNEW YOU WOULD BE THERE FOR HER AS YOU HAD BEEN FROM THE FIRST DAY YOU AND SHE MET. IT BREAKS MY HEART THAT YOU HURT, IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES...I TOO LOVE ANIMALS AND IT BREAKS OUR HEARTS WHEN THEY HAVE TO LEAVE US.
BUT.....THINK OF IT THIS WAY, SHE IS NOW WITH HER NEWBORN THAT DIED, AND SHE FEELS NO MORE PAIN. RIZZI

blessedmom's simple home said...

I'm so sorry for your loss of Sweet Kitty. We're very attached to our cats around here, and I know how hard it is to lose one. You didn't fail her though, not at all. You did what you could for her.
It's sad to see the cat problem you have there in Kuwait too. I'd be like you and want to take everyone of them in, but know that just isn't possible. You took very good care of Sweet Kitty and gave her a sweet refuge.
Blessings,
Marcia

Mevely317 said...

Tammy, I'm so very sorry ...
"our" furbabies can take such a hold on our hearts -- and we're never the same.
Thank you for sharing Sweet Kitty's journey with us. Perhaps, somewhere/someone will consider adopting their own sweet kitty/puppy.

The Garden Bell said...

You poor thing. I will keep you in my thoughts today. Glad to have brough you a wee little smile to your heart today.

bunny said...

Awwww Tammy, that's so hard to do but you did the right thing. Kitty knows this. Love to you and all the kitties on the street.

I love cats,
bunny

Angela. said...

So sorry Tammy. You can be sure that Sweet Kitty knew that you had done your best for her and you made sure she didn't suffer in the end.
It is so sad to see the street cats, (there were lots in Maderia)fortunately here in England we don't have many, in fact hardly any at all.Thank goodness for the RSPCA.
My thoughts are with you.
Hugs, Angela.x

Melanie said...

My heart is breaking just reading this story, Tammy. I am so sorry. :-(

The Farmer's Attic said...

Oh Tammy - I am so sorry. We had a stray momma cat years ago who "adopted" us and we helped her take care of her five babies. They all, but one, had left home and we were able to love on one of them.

He was the sweetest cat. We, too, couldn't have cats in the house and one day he came home with his paw ripped open and swollen. I tried to take him to the vet but wasn't able to. He disappeared and every day I called and called and called. Months later we found him curled up in a box. He had passed away - probably due to infection as well.

I know the pain you are feeling. I don't think I ever cried so hard over an animal before. He was only 2 and I felt so guilty.

Praying for you at this time!

Lucy

Pam said...

So sorry for your loss. I have tears in my eyes. If it is any comfort, our kitty that lived inside our home and visited the vet regularly suffered from very similar symptoms with the same results. We miss Luke so and I feel for you and your family.

A Cottage Muse said...

Hugs to you Tammy, so sorry for your loss.

GWENNY said...

I am so sorry your heart is breaking. I know how much we love our pets. If I could , I would reach through this box and give you a big, warm , hug. Lot's of love.

koralee said...

Oh sweet friend my heart is with you today....you did what you could do..saying goodbye to our animal friends is always hard. xoxoxoHugs

DeeDee said...

Tammy

my heart is broken with yours.. this is never a wasy thing is it... my liitle lucky loves kitties and will find her in heaven and be her friend.... sending a big hug your way...

Diane said...

Your post is so full of pain Tammy. I feel so bad for you and for Sweet Kitty. I know you did what you could, it's so easy to say "I should have done more or if I had done that" but I think you did what you could, you gave her love and food and sometimes that's all you can do. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Your friend, Diane

Mariette's Back to Basics said...

Dearest Tammy,

What a sad story this is! The ignorance of people that let those felines produce litter after litter without taking care of them. Too bad for all the animal suffering because of humans being indiferent. Did Jingles get along with her or did they never get together? It is tough if you want to fill in for the neglect of others and you ending up feeling guilty for not having done enough!
Guess you're right about that vet too; the easy way out... Sad stories and she for sure is not the only one. I just saw that you live in a 15% humidity right now; that is killing for plants, birds and animals alike. Humans can take shelter in their homes and drink enough and feed well. Life is not easy on your end. Wish you well and hope you will enjoy your vacation!

Lots of love,

Mariette

Libbie said...

Oh Tammy...I am sorry about that. There sure was a bond between you two. That is so evident. You DID help that little kitty...I am sure she looked forward to her visit everyday. Sounds like you both were pretty lucky to share that friendship :) Sorry Tammy.

Cozy Little House said...

I know your deep well of tears is not over. But you DID do what you could. I can't imagine what you've described to us before about the animal population there, and the lack of caring souls like you to nurture them. You can't take care of them all, sweet girl. You just can't.
Brenda

Tanna at The Brick Street Bungalow said...

My heard breaks for you, Tammy. Is is never easy. Never. You did give her so much. Sometimes there just isn't enough... I have had such sporadic ability to access blogs... I am sorry I am late with this note, but I'm sending hugs and prayers... blessings ~ tanna

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry to hear about your Sweet Kitty, Tammy. It makes me smile to know that your kindness and warm heart made her life so much better than it would have been otherwise. The stray cat population in Kuwait is so sad, but you must know that you gave this wonderful cat so much more than she would have had otherwise. I hope you are able to realize that and know that you did a lot to do good for her.
Your kindness is remembered by everyone that knows you. That is part of the reason why we all love you so much. Don't ever lose that qulaity, even if there are days when all that you do does not seem like enough.
My thoughts are with you, as always!

Love you,
Renee

A Fanciful Life said...

Tammy,
I was so afraid you were talking of Jingles when I first read your note on my blog. Regardless, it is heart-breaking. You probably don't know this, but i could have written your post. I also had an outdoor cat that I called Kitty. A neighbor told me she had had kittens and her "owners" had moved and left her. It took a while to gain her trust, but eventually I did and she lived in my yard. Like you, I gave her food and water every day, and built a little shelter for her in the winter. I worried about her and wished I could have done more. She started grower smaller and smaller and eventually didn't make it. I cried and cried too - I probably took care of her for 5 years. She was the sweetest thing and I only wish I could have done so much more. All this to say that I understand exactly what you have gone through. I can still cry to this day but hold many fine memories. It's so hard losing these ones we love. My best to you at this sad time.

Love,
Sharon

Yarni Gras! said...

I'm so sorry for your lose. I think that God puts animals in need in the path of those who will comfort them. Needful animals have always crossed our paths too. I think what you did for sweet kitty was commendable especially knowing you couldn't truly take her in. See had the safety and love of you and your family for the last year of her life. Her kittens are now grown up and have loving and good homes thanks to you. You did a wonderful thing for her...and for your children...showing compassion to God's creatures. You should be proud of yourself, not second guessing yourself. You did a wonderful thing!

Claus said...

I just turned up the computer since Friday, and I am sad to learn about your kitty Tammy. There is something special about animal friends. It is beyond sad when we lose one. I know what you mean, as I have been through this more than once, never getting easier. You know about my fear for Matty just a few weeks ago; he stills makes me nervous now, as I fear I am not doing enough for him. It's a little bit like being a mom, right? Cry Tammy; let it all out. But know that you did more than anyone could have, and that the kitty will forever know it. She was lucky! to have found in you the help nobody else gave her.
lots of hugs your way.

Celestial Charms said...

Being a cat person, I so understand your feelings. You are such a wonderful person for caring the way you do. Blessings to you, my friend!
Maureen

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