Over the past year, I've learned a lot about people. Although it is so much easier to keep in touch, so many people aren't taking the time to connect. "Out of sight out of mind."
Last week, 4 different people planned coffee dates with me, and every single one of them cancelled, either the night before, or the morning of.
Talk about a blow to the ego.
On Saturday I had breakfast with good friends Elena and Melissa whom I've known for the past 15-1/2 years. And my friend, Kathy, who moved to the States 4 years ago, is back in Kuwait visiting her first grandbaby so we did some thrift shopping and had lunch on Sunday.
Of course, I shared my feelings with all three of them, and they all assured me that I was not being overly sensitive and that most of the reasons for canceling were a bit on the weak side.
I commented to Melissa that I find blog friends, most of whom I've never met, keep in touch more often and are much more supportive and responsive than folks that are close by or even some that I've known for 20-30 years.
Then, yesterday I came across a post on Instagram that led me to a blog post entitled The Quiet Network. If you have the time, please take a moment to read it. Definitely voices how I feel about the friends I've made through blogging and Instagram.
I'm thankful to all of you who continue to visit and have done so for years now. And it's nice to also connect with so many
of you on Instagram, too.
of you on Instagram, too.
My word and guiding mantra at the beginning of this year was "mindfulness".
Part of being mindful is letting go.
With both boys away now, this is definitely a season of change.
On the morning that I was packing up the car in August to leave my youngest at college, I found a dragonfly on the ground.
In almost every part of the world, the dragonfly symbolizes transformation, adaptability and change.So, I'm learning to be a dragonfly.
Letting go of ego and expectations of others.
Adapting to this new stage in life and all the changes that come with it.
Everything changes when you start to emit your own frequency rather than absorbing the frequencies around you. When you start imprinting your intent on the universe rather than receiving an imprint from existence.
Blessings,
23 comments:
Thinking of you in this new season of your life, and cheering you on, Tammy. I am sorry for the four friends that missed spending time with you, and sorry for the disappointment they caused you, but so glad you connected with two other friends. I have moved many times and am grateful for the lovely friends I have made, but need to improve on keeping in touch with them. If only they all were bloggers :) xx
I always love visiting your blog, and enjoy blog friendships with you and other dear bloggers. 4 cancellations in a week, I think I would feel very down by the 4th one, so I agree with you. If those friends want to see you in future, wait til they ask you to meet, that is my advice. Good to see you have 3 loyal friends to get together with, that nurture you.
Your disappointments are very real and hurtful, Tammy. I, too, have made the effort to sustain friendships in my life, I arrange coffee and lunch dates and while they happen, that's the end! I never get a reciprocal invitation. It's sad. We all have busy lives or reasons for not having much time for social engagements but many times I think people are simply self absorbed.
I agree with you on online friendships. I have many different types of relationships with bloggers; some I have met in person, others I share a closeness with through emails with hopes to meet up someday.
I visited your link, the post was very thoughtful and I found myself nodding my head.
Take care and thanks for sharing from your heart.
Jane
Oh Tammy... sorry for those people who failed you.. I sure wouldn't have! I'd have been there with BELLS on! I think you're one of the most amazing, creative, loving and generous people I know. If you ever come to Oregon I will show you wonderful places and things. I love that quote, by the way. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)
Well, you are a world away from where I am, but I assure you, if we had made a crafty date, I'd be there early with hot tea and a scone waiting your arrival! Get that hook out and crochet away your blues. Love your sweet kitty picture. :) Oh your tea cup coaster looks so adorable. I love it! I also agree with Ralph. :) Wishing you a day filled with many blessings. :)
Dear Tammy,
This is so beautifully, poignantly written and fully understood and emotions shared. I have been here countless times with regards to friendships, even so lately, and the only saving grace for me is that I've never been one to want many women friendships. Instead, my best friend of all is my husband whom I share all of my most fun times with and my daughter who is still around thanks to commuting to school. Even so, there are always changes and parting with various things (and people) in life and at nearly 52 I have been through that too of course.
You're always so thoughtful in keeping in touch and sending sweet handmade items to me when you're here in the states and I've wished so many times that I would send you something again after my one failed attempt years back with the mail system there in your country. At any rate, I hope you know how much I've appreciated following your life through your blog and Instagram.
Kindest regards,
Linda
Dear Tammy. Read your post and could identify with it 100 percent. Things change so much! Traditions change! People change! Friends change, too! I've found, especially as I get older, that some people who have been an important part of life, drift away at times. Others, of course, remain a part of life. Blog friends are the absolute best! The community is faithful, gentle, encouraging and uplifting. I LOVE my blog friends so much, including you! I wish we lived closer. I'd definitely go out to lunch with you and I would NOT cancel! ha. Hope the rest of your day is terrific. Today is my birthday and I am soooo grateful to still be alive. This journey of life is quite enriching. Susan
Hi Tammy, this was such a good post, and I have gone through this too-so disheartening and makes us feel sad and me a little insecure too.
I always expect to much from people I think so I get down from happenings like this. We live very very rural so we don't have many friends and blogging over the years has really helped me in the past. but the last couple of years I don't seem as connected with my friends here as I should be-so that's my own doing I am sure.
I loved that last quote "When you start imprinting your intent on the universe rather than receiving an imprint from existence". and I am going to work on that hugs
Kathy
I read your blog, but don't comment much because I have to jump through some hoops to do so. You and I interact regularly on Instagram, though. I'm sorry your local friends canceled on you. Four in one week is excessive! I, too, enjoy the friendships I've made online. They make me feel connected and supported, and like I have something to contribute. I hope life treats you kindly as you adjust to this next phase. (And may I say, you always look so cute and stylish!)
Ahh, such wonderful words of encouragement that have been written by these sweet bloggers. I can identify with you and I do not know why people do this. Now that I feel a bit better Dennis and I were talking about having more people over for dinner this fall and winter. I would love to meet more ladies for crafting and lunch but everyone seems so busy these days. I'm so sorry you were let down. I truly wish all of my sweet blogging friends lived close and we could spend time together.
Blessings,
Betsy
I'm sorry about the cancelled plans; that does sound inconsiderate and it never feels good to think we are not valued by our friends. I wish I could meet you for tea - and maybe even meet the darling Jingles - and then visit that amazing-looking thrift shop :)
As I've become increasingly restricted physically, most of my meaningful social interactions are online. With people I've not met but genuinely - surprisingly to me, at first - feel I "know" on a very real level. My life would certainly be different without blogs and twitter and ravelry, and though I could live without the internet if I had to, I'm very glad to have it. After all, how else would I have "met" you, Tammy?
I have learnt to let go of many things and still learning. I know it is not possible always for friends to make time for each other but it isn't impossible either. I chose only blogging as social networking with crafty friends. I have contact numbers of my school and college friends whom I was close to and I call them as they are in different city/country but quite often I find that I am the only one calling and they call only on Birthdays to wish. I feel talking on phone is next to meeting in person, better than whatsapp. Slowly, even I reduced my calls. Same applies to blogland, it is not easy to read all the blogs and after a while there will a set of active blog friends only who will read and post comments. Other than my husband, I don't have any expectation from anybody else and I have let that go considering that they aren't bound to respond to me.
You are the one who needs a Thank you!
Your blog is so full of wisdom and love.
And your kindness is shining through.
I didn´t know that about the dragonfly.
Transformation and change is sometimes
so hard and your ego wants to fight it.
Like I do now. In my life. At the same
time I know it´s just as you say...
"Let go and see what happends... Bird in
a cage wants out but if the door is open
it comes back. If there is love..."
So much wisdom in those words.
Blessings!
You know Tammy, I find myself in such situation too - in both the roles actually. Sometimes I used to cancel the meeting, sometimes friends did.. But I understand that life has become way too busy. At times I just don't feel like going anywhere, it also requires time and preparation and all..
I love you thoughts - not to expect much from others but to give more than to take.
have a wonderful day!
Beautiful post, Tammy and The Quiet Network is the same for me. I have no friends here and I've had single women move in next door but they evidently have their 'network' of friends and don't have time for another one. Twice now I have welcomed them and taken housewarming gifts. One brought me back the dish and it was dirty...she didn't even bother to wash it and was too busy to stay and visit. I asked if she wanted to get together sometime but she was busy. This next one, I called to see if I could drop a little something off and she said she was on a diet but I did have a little something else for her so I dropped it off. She comes and goes but has never indicated she wanted to get to know each other any better. Before that was a married couple and they only wanted to socialize if I joined their church or their groups. I don't want to be a pest but I think what a great neighborhood we could have with get-togethers and cook outs and common interests and helping each other with projects but alas after 13 years of threats and people trying to control me, and no interest in forming any type of relationship, I have resigned myself to stay to myself. If it wasn't for my blogging friends, I wouldn't have any! I don't have the money to join organizations either. I did a quilt guild for awhile but between dues and activities and donating time and materials, I just couldn't afford it....same with the "women who lunch". There was a crafts group I loved but they used the time to gossip and say nasty things about other people and I just could not be a part of that. I can't afford much beyond some yarn for making Christmas gifts for my family and my medicines. But my internet connection is precious! I don't know where I would be without your love and support and uplifting posts! So, yes, here's to the quiet network!
Dear Tammy, That is very disappointing, I know the young are always changing their plans, but I try to think carefully when setting up a meeting with a friend. All my appointments are on the weekend, as I work full time, so if something is cancelled it can be most disappointing, so I know the feeling. When young ones go off to college is a change and then when they come back is another change, because you are only at that point the stepping stone to their total spreading of wings. They have grown used to their independence. It's a total rethinking of where you are in life.
Christy
Lilbitbrit
Hello Tammy Dear. I missed this post and am so glad I scrolled down and read it. Life is constantly changing and we must adapt or we may be left behind. With both of your sons in college now you should feel very proud as a parent and you should celebrate your guidance for giving them the best tools for their lives. I visited and read "The Quiet Network" and it speaks to me and how I value each and every one, including you my friend, who take the precious time to be part of my life. I recently posted a quote that I am reading daily and trying to apply. Blessings on your newest chapter of your journey...
Your disappointment is totally understandable, Tammy. I would have felt the same. Will you give them a second chance? When I started blogging, I had no idea I would make such good online-friends over the years. I haven't met even one personally but it doesn't matter at all. I know I wouldn't have cancelled a coffe date with you except for a really urgent/important reason.
xo Julia
Tammy, can I just say that if you lived near I would meet up with you every chance I could. I have lost so many friends as my kids have gotten older, so many from our life as swim parents melt away when swimming is over. And now I have noticed the same thing now that we have Little Buddy, we are in a different place than many of our friends, they are off going out to dinner and I am tending to a special needs little one in diapers. I knew it would be different when he came, just did not realize how it would isolate me even more. With work as busy as it is I do not even have time to comment back to people when they leave a comment on my blog, that makes me feel even more disconnected. Do not lose hope my friend, there are wonderful people out there loving you from afar and the ones near to you are just waiting to have a great friendship with you. People get very busy in life, the excuses they give might not be real their is often much more going on beneath the surface.
Sending you a massive friendship hug,
Meredith
Would you believe that it took me 15 years to realise that I was running after people who didn't need my friendship or who didn't care for friends. I always took it as default that if you have spent some years with a person, that person would be in contact with you when you moved away.
Apparently its not true in this age. "Out of mind ,out of sight" is the new mantra.
So these days I keep to myself and rarely call people friends . However , the very few friends I have now are worth it.
So hang in there my friend...
Hello our lovely dragonfly! I too am very close to my blog friends than physical ones. Folks I think just get too busy and over committed. And my blog friends have so many things in common with me and believe in the same things I do. I hope you are doing okay with your sons gone. :) Kit
I see it as their loss for cancelling the coffee dates with you although I admit that I would feel hurt over it too. I can actually identify with a lot of what you have written in this post. I have made some very close online friends over the years and I feel very honoured to have them in my life. I even keep in touch with one of them by snail mail as well as by our blogs.
"Everything changes when you start to emit your own frequency rather than absorbing the frequencies around you. When you start imprinting your intent on the universe rather than receiving an imprint from existence."
I really like the quote above. Did you write it?
Have a lovely week, my friend. xo
I like the Quiet Network post so much, I shared it to my Facebook timeline. :)
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